Sometimes the the physical and emotional symptoms associated with osteoarthritis can affect relationships, including sexual expression and enjoyment. However, there are ways to overcome these challenges. This resource provides general information about how to maintain sexual intimacy while living with osteoarthritis.  

Will osteoarthritis affect my sex life?

The emotional and physical effects of osteoarthritis can sometimes have an effect on your sex life. If you experience a change in your physical appearance, such as weight gain or loss, or a decrease in mobility or energy, the way you view yourself may change. You may feel less desirable to others or physically fragile. If you are having a flare of your osteoarthritis, your joints may be simply too painful for you to have sex – and you need to be open about this. The fear of pain may make it difficult to relax and enjoy sex, and may even cause your partner to worry about causing you pain. It is important to remember that i openly and honestly discussing these issues with your partner can make you closer and may even improve your sex life. Remember, emotional intimacy is as equally important for a romantic relationship – trust, honesty and openness help to build a secure, intimate relationship.

Will having sex make my joint pain worse?

You will know from living with osteoarthritis that moving an affected joint can sometimes be painful. Therefore, any physically demanding activity such as sex may cause discomfort, particularly if your hips or back are affected. Sex itself, however, will not worsen your osteoarthritis, and there are ways to overcome physical discomfort you experience. If sex is a regular part of your relationship, you should try to keep it so by finding new and comfortable ways to maintain and enjoy that intimacy.

What should my partner know about osteoarthritis?

It may be difficult and awkward to discuss sexual matters with your partner, even if you have shared a longstanding sexual relationship. However, it is important for you to try to talk about any concerns or fears you have surrounding sex. Work together to overcome difficulties by talking openly and honestly about how you feel both physically and emotionally. Expressing your fears with statements like ‘I am afraid that …’ provides your partner with the chance to reassure and support you. Remember that your partner will have their own feelings about how your osteoarthritis impacts on your sexual relationship. Make sure you share your fears and concerns, and work together to ensure you both feel comfortable and physically and emotionally satisfied.

If there are problems, how can we back on track?

Osteoarthritis does not have to signal the end of a mutually satisfying sexual relationship. With a little creativity, patience and planning, you and your partner can rediscover the pleasures of sexual intimacy.

Communicate

Talk openly about how you are both feeling emotionally and physically – this will help you overcome issues together. For example, fear of physical pain, or causing your partner physical pain, may make you apprehensive about sex or intimacy. This can may cause couples to withdraw from any physical contact. During sex, let your partner know if something is either uncomfortable or pleasurable. Work together to find positions and techniques that give both of you the most amount of pleasure with the least amount of discomfort.

Get fit!

Your appetite for, and enjoyment of sex is generally greater if you feel physically fit and well. So staying active with exercise and physical activity is important not only for maintaining your muscle strength and joint mobility but also for remaining sexually active.

Plan ahead for sex

While it may not be spontaneous, planning ahead is worthwhile if it makes sex more satisfying. Think about the times of day you are likely to be more rested and experiencing the least amount of pain. For instance, if you have morning stiffness, afternoons or evenings may be better times for sex. Also consider: 

• If pain is a problem, speak to your GP or Pharmacist about the timing of your pain medication.
• Your joints may feel more comfortable after a warm shower or bath – why not share one with your partner? 
• Use a heating pad or electric blanket to help soothe sore joints and muscles before sex. 
• Try massage to help relax muscles, even as a form of foreplay. 
• If fatigue is a problem, see the fatigue information sheet for tips on how to manage this. 
• Have pillows, rolled towels or positioning aids available to help support sore joints.

Get creative 

Trial different positions and ways to create intimacy that are both comfortable and rewarding. There are many ways to have sex including using sex toys and different positions that may ease discomfort and work for you. This will take patience and understanding. but if you work together you have the potential to reconnect and enjoy sexual intimacy. Above all, its important to not lose your sense of humour and create a safe space whilst having some fun along the way! Your healthcare team can give you more advice and information about whether any of these or other treatments might be useful for you.

Other resources 

State and Territory arthritis offices

Your local Arthritis Office can provide further information to assist you and will have a range of education and support activities. Click here to find your local office.

Psychologist 

A psychologist can help you cope with any difficult emotions you feel as a result of your osteoarthritis. They can also teach you practical skills to help you stay connected to the important people and things in your life and assist you with effective communication. Ask your GP for more information about seeing a psychologist or call the Australian Psychological Society on 1800 333 497, or visit www.psychology.org.au

Relationships Australia

Relationships Australia provides a wide range of relationship support services, including counselling and courses to gain skills and understanding to enhance relationships. These services are offered in many locations across Australia. Contact Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277 or visit www.relationships.com.au

Books

Miriam Kaufman, Fran Odette, Cory Silverberg 2003 Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability: For All of Us Who Live with Disabilities, Chronic Pain and Illness Cleis Press, San Francisco, USA. Arthritis Research UK has a Sex and arthritis booklet available.